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How do you weight a millennial? |
In Instagrams |
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Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days? |
They just seem a little shady |
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? |
Great food but no atmosphere |
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Why did the man hate his job as an origami teacher? |
Too much paperwork |
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Why do fish live in saltwater? |
Because pepper makes them sneeze |
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What does a vegan zombie like to eat? |
Graaaains |
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What time does a duck wake up? |
The quack of dawn |
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Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? |
Because he always has a great fall |
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Where does the General keep his armies? |
In his sleevies |
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Why should you sit in a corner when you get cold? |
Because most corners are 90 degrees |
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How does a rancher keep track of his cattle? |
With a cow-culator |
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How do you impress a baker? |
Bring them flours |
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What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine? |
“Give me my Quarterback!” |
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Where does the electric cord go to shop? |
An outlet mall |
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How did the hairdresser win the race? |
He knew a shortcut |
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Why did the robber jump in the shower? |
He wanted to make a clean getaway |
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What do sea monsters eat? |
Fish and ships |
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Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach? |
Because they might peel |
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What does a spy do when he gets cold? |
He goes undercover |
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Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? |
Because he was sitting on the deck |